River Walker

When I was a child, Sunday School was the place where I knew that I was loved.  I was a ‘drop off’ kid and for a time even rode a bus to Sunday School, we were the kids without parents who were welcomed with open arms in a manner albeit charitable.

Not surprisingly, my first awareness of a call to ministry was a coming of age experience in my late teens.  It made sense: church was family for those without, I wanted this family for myself.  I would become a minister – and against the odds (a fundamentalist female), I did.

With the help of dear scholars, I studied myself out of fundamentalism and into mainline Christianity.  For 23 years I have served as a full time pastor.  I started with a husband and no kids, I close with a wife and grown kids.  I started avoiding the creeds but loving the Book of Worship, I close with very few words for sacred experiences.  In very real ways, I’ve prayed myself out of the church.

I am 50 now, in midlife and in the process of un-becoming a minister.   I still believe Jesus about God.  Maybe now more than ever.  But I don’t believe the church about Jesus and I am ready now to share my truth.

This blog begins as I announce my retirement from professional ministry and will explore my quest to find an the authentic experience of the sacred beyond the church doors. Every story is unique, this one is mine.

I maintain another website (liturgyoutside.net) that offers seasonal and topical prayers for community use and a blog (Ponderings) that addresses the intersections of faith and politics.  The tools I use come from a variety of traditions including 12 step spirituality and Christianity and it is important to me to accurately connect sources (please let me know if I’ve missed a connection).  I would welcome hearing from you by email (khawkerself at gmail.com) or on Facebook.